The major unions issued a joint statement to the world at large yesterday on behalf of all Public Sector workers.
The statement contained many specific threats if the government fail to increase all wages by 50%.
“Dieticians will stop advising assorted lettuce leaves for breakfast and encourage a nice, greasy full English.”
“Prison Officers will start nipping to the bookies again to place prisoners’ bets. This practice was stopped after the last pay rise in 1995.”
“Paramedics will start treating violent yobs again instead of poorly old ladies.”
“Teachers will demand even more Baker days, Teachers Rest days and Planning Days to make up for the ridiculously short school holidays.”
“Firefighters will stop climbing trees to rescue little kittens, even when a small child is standing at the foot of the tree sobbing.”
“The two policeman that still pound the beat will be placed in fast moving police cars and instructed to flash past people needing help.”
“Fit Lifeguards who wear sexy orange cossies will be replaced by ugly ones in overcoats.”
“Nuclear Maintenance engineers will stop mending reactors and stand by laughing when ugly green liquid starts to stream towards the nearest cities.”
“NHS staff will cut down their hours to sixteen per day.”
“Bin Men will refuse to empty bins where the lid doesn’t shut. You may not notice much difference here.”
“And don’t think we’ll stop there. We’re bound to have forgotten other people that really matter.”
The Prime Minister, Maggie May, responded with. “F**k the lot of ’em. They’re getting 1% and that’s it!”
Categories: NON CORRIE STUFF